My Magical Disappearing House

I love where I live! I think it is the most beautiful place on the whole face of the earth. We have gorgeous views out of every window. That's why we have 70 some odd windows in the place. If we could have afforded a glass house, we would have built one.

I go for a walk every morning and Steve and I go for a walk together every night. I took this picture this morning on my walk. If you look close, you can see my neighbor jogging in the distance. I however, could not see him when I was taking the picture because the sun was in me eye. He now probably thinks I'm a freak. Yeah, I'm just waitin' here on the trail, behind the brush, waitin' ta take your picture when ya come by.

Anyhoo, as some of you might know, I am horrible with directions. So one of the things I really love about where I live is that it is really easy to give people directions here.

*DIRECTIONS REMOVED*

And then they always say, "OK, that sounds easy enough". And I'm thinkin', yeah, you would think so. But just wait. You'll be callin' me all dazed and confused and sure you're not at the right place. And I'll be all irritated saying "NO! You're on the right street. Just keep driving. No. Really. Just drive. I promise. It will be OK. Come on. Just a little farther. You can do it."

Like the other day. When this lady came to give me a physical (I was applying for life insurance). She calls me. This is how the conversation went:

Lady: I'm on ______ but I don't think this is right. I must have passed your house.

Me: No, you're on the right street. You haven't passed my house.

Lady: Yeah, I think I must have.

Me: Have you come to the ______ yet?

Lady: Yes, I'm in front of it right now.

Me: OK, you still have a ways to go. Just keep driving straight. The road will curve around again and my house is right past the curve.

Lady: OK, I'm driving, but now I'm at a really weird street sign with 3 different streets on it.

Me: Yes, that is because the street changes names there.

Lady: There are a few houses on this street that turns off of it. Is one of those yours?

Me: No, don't turn. Just keep going straight.

Lady: I really don't think I'm the right place. I see two _____ ______ in the distance. Am I coming the right way?

Me: Yes. Keep driving.

Lady: OK, I see a big brown house. Is that yours?

Me: (sigh) No, my house is still grey. With the black chimney.

Lady: Oh, I don't see any other houses out here. I'm at the last one.

Me: No. You're not. You can't see my house because that house is blocking it from your view. You're almost there though. The road is about to curve and my house is the GREY house with the BLACK chimney right past the curve. OK, I can see you now. You are about to go past my house right now.

Lady: Where? I don't see a house out here?

Me: You're in front of it RIGHT now. You are looking out your left window. You need to turn and look right. You are in front of my house NOW!

(I can see her frantically looking everywhere but at my house and I'm staring out the window in dumbfounded disbelief thinking "What, did Benjamin Linus go down into my secret arctic lair and turn the big wheel and make my house disappear?" Honestly.)

Lady: Oh, do you have a red van in front?

Me: (sigh) No. That's my neighbors (brown) house. You just passed my house. I am across the street from the house with the red van.

(At this point I am thinking I should probably just hang up the phone and not answer it when she calls back. 'Cause if she's this stupid, do I really want her sticking a needle in my arm and removing my blood from my body?)

Lady: OK, now I'm at a dead end and there are no houses.

Me: OK, you need to turn around and drive back the way you just came.

Lady: OK.

Me: OK. STOP! You-are-in-front-of-my-house. Do you see the grey house with the black chimney?

Lady: OH! It's kinda' modern looking?

Me: (celebrating) Yes, that's it.

Lady: OH! I thought it was an office building. I didn't think it was a house.

Me: Nope. (because this would be a pretty dumb place to put an office building) That's my house.

Lady: OK, I'll be right in.

Me: YIPPIE!