WARNING: Don't Pee In The Dark

It is an image that shall forever remain seared in my brain. It will change the way I do my business from here on out. No more casual squatting for me.

I've heard the stories before. On the news. I believe it was my sister-in-law who told me about her neighbor who had a big pet snake that went through their toilet into the sewer pipes and up through another neighbors toilet. My sister Farrah, she once found a frog in her toilet. She said she never turned the light on when she went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but for some reason that night, she did. From that day forth, for many, many years, I always turned the light on in the middle of the night when I had to use the facilities. But alas, I have grown lazy in my old age. And flipping the switch became such a waste of my time. Don't worry though. My eyes have been opened. Oh boy, have they been opened.

This morning, around 5:30 am, I got up to use the potty (that's what you call it when you are a mom). I blindly stumbled into the bathroom and was about lift the lid and do my duty in the dark. But something stopped me. I could hear water dripping. I thought, oh great, something's leaking. I figured it was the valve behind the toilet or something. So I turned the light on. No water. Whew! Then what's that sound? That's when I opened the lid. And found a....a....mouse....swimming for dear life....in my potty. BAHHHHHHHH! I let out a blood curling scream and slammed the lid down. Then I said a little prayer of thanks for the elongated bowl we have. Then I started screaming again. Steve came running into the bathroom for fear that I was being attacked by an intruder. He asked what was wrong and I was like

BAH! THERE'S A MOUSE IN THE TOILET!!!

DOSOMETHINGDOSOMETHING!!!

So he reached over and flushed. Then you know what he did? He opened the lid and, well, did what I went in there to do. Easy for him. He just had to stand there. Mine was a whole different story. It took me several flushes and a lot of anxious staring at the toilet before I got up the courage to...get it over with.

When I was done, Steve was already back in bed. I made him get up and walk through the house with me, my arm through his, flushing all the toilets along the way. We got back in bed, but there was no way I was going back to sleep in any kind of quick fashion. I kept asking Steve questions like:

• What if it comes back up?
• What if it goes into another toilet?
• You know the kids toilets aren't as long as ours, it could maybe get out?
• What if it gets out? And we have a wet mouse running around the house?
• If we have a mouse in our toilet, could we have a mouse in our drinking water pipes?
• Do you hear that? I hear water?
• Do you hear water?
• No, shhh! Listen!

He finally gave up on trying to reassure me and started ignoring my questions. Then he fell asleep. Fine. Be that way.

Let me tell you. I have learned my lesson. Learned it good. I had become too laxed in my squatting. I guess this was the wake up call I needed. Well, believe me, I'm awake.