So, in a short two days, I will leave the 30's behind and enter the start of my 5th decade upon this earth. It is an event that has been 39 years in the making, only I haven't fully been aware of it until this past year. I haven't minded it so much- the thought of being 40. There have been some good things come out of it. I truly feel like I have come into myself in the last year or so. I look back on my 20's and most of my 30's and cringe. Oh my gosh! I was such an idiot who thought she knew everything! It is amazing the perspective 39 years will give you. There is a part of me that wishes I could have been 39 years old all my life. Or at least been 39 when I had kids. I'm a much better person now than I was when I was 22 and became a mom.
That is the good part of turning 40. The not so good part? In the last few months my metabolism has come to a screeching halt. And my hair is making it's own natural silver highlights. I didn't mind the graying a first. But not only has it kicked up the graying process lately, but it is also turning black. Black and gray. That's what goin' on up top. And I received a funeral planning brochure in the mail the other day. They could have had the decency to wait until after I had actually turned 40 before they sent that lovely Birthday card to me.
And then yesterday. Sigh......yesterday happened. And then to top it off, this morning happened. I have been one big fat giant back and gray haired ball of comedic errors over here.
I had a meeting yesterday morning, I came home after it and did some work for Steve on the computer. I used my phone so I know it was safe and sound in my house at that time. Then I left to go run a series of errands before I had to pick the girls up from school. I had a lot to do and not a lot of time. So I quickly loaded up my arms with things like a check to deposit at the bank, my purse, my planner, some stuff I had to take back to the store and a bag of carrots because A) I was hungry and B) I'm trying to battle the whole "metabolism" thing. So my arms are completely full. I walk out of my house, walk up to my van, and realize I don't have any keys. Fantastic. It is like 2 degrees outside (literally) and every single surface is covered with snow. So there is no place to set stuff down. I knew that I had just unlocked a door on the back of my house so Zac could get in since I would be gone when he got home from school. So I am all loaded up with this big armful of stuff and I go traipsing through knee deep snow.
Steve and Zac were putting in sprinklers in the front of our house earlier in the season and apparently there is a huge hole right by the side of the garage leading around to the back of the house that I was not aware of. So I'm walking along and BIFF! Face first in the freezing cold 2 degree snow and everything in my hands went flying. I had snow all up the arms of my coat and it was so cold it hurt so bad but all I could think about was the check and deposit slip and my planner that were all now completely encased in the snow. I pick it all up and I am dying of frost bite so bad I start hurrying around the house again so I can get the dang snow out of my sleeves and get it off the important papers.
I knew that there was a broken hose bib thingy along the side of the house that was also dug up, therefore making another hole in the yard. Just as I was thinking this very thought, "You know what would be really awesome right now? If I fell into the other-" BIFF! Face first. Everything flying. More 2 degree snow up my sleeves. I said some really bad words really loud. Then I quickly looked around to see if any of my neighbors were outside and heard me. Then I thought, what kind of idiot people would be hangin' around outside when it is absolutely FREEZING! Then I thought, why are you hanging around out here taking the time to think, genius? Then I picked everything up, ran for the door because I was seriously about to start crying because my arms and hands hurt so bad from the cold.
Every. Single. Page. of my planner had snow in it. And I have
this really awesome planner that I love and it starts and ends in August so it still has to last me another 8 months. And all the pages were wet and so I might have said another bad word. By the time I defrosted everything I thought, "Well, good thing I WASN'T IN A HURRY or anything." I had about an hour and 20 minutes before I had to drive carpool, and I had about 5 errands to run. So, I grabbed my keys, made sure I had everything else, and was about to walk out the door when I realized I was missing my phone. I tried calling it (it was dead-I was about to charge it in the car) ran through the house and couldn't find it anywhere. I ran around the side of the house (avoiding all the holes this time) (mostly because my giant metabolism and I made them very visible earlier) and didn't see it. I didn't have time to look for it any more. I had to go.
So now I have no idea where my phone is. I don't know if I had it with me on my first attempt to leave the house or not. I have searched my whole house over. I have completely dug both holes out and dug in the snow surrounding the holes 3 times. I offered my kids a reward for finding it. Addy was the only one who showed any interest. She ran straight to the home phone and started dialing my cell phone. When I told her it was dead she hung up and that was the extent of her hunt for my phone. And I thought, "Typical of this generation...." Thanks a lot kids for helping your elderly mother out!
You know what I had to do last night? I had to dig out an old fashioned alarm clock and plug it in and set the time and the alarm on it. I was so super scared of hearing that awful obnoxiously loud horrible buzzing beeping alarm clock sound that my subconscious woke me up 10 minutes before it went off. How did people used to wake up to those things?
I got up, got children off to school, and came home and pulled in the driveway. I took my keys out of the ignition and thought, I'm just gonna check the car one more time and make sure my phone isn't in here. So I set my keys down, check the car, didn't find the phone. I opened the garage door, got out of the car, locked it and shut the door. Walked into the garage and found the dang inside door locked. So I reached for my keys. The ones I had set down in the car..just a..few minutes..ago...If you do something 3 times in less than a 24 hour period its pretty much a habit, right? Well apparently I've picked up a bad swearing habit in the last 24 hours.
So not only had I lost my phone, but my D@#* keys were now locked in the car! So I walked myself down the street in the 2 degree weather (my hair was wet because I took a shower right before I left to take the girls to school and I only had a pair of flats on my feet) to my dear friend April's house. I told her my sad sob story and she laughed at me and then she called Lori, my other neighbor who has a key to my house. Lori told me where the key should be (but my kids use it and then they never take it back to her so there was a 75% chance it wasn't actually at her house but was sitting in my front window waiting to be returned to her house) and she gave me permission to break and enter into her house. Thankfully the key was there. I walked back across the street with my hair that at this point was forming icicles. I still had one more hurdle to overcome.
We have a whacked out front door. It is really super awesome looking, but it is the most impracticable door ever made in the whole history of forever. It is so messed up there was a good chance the key wasn't going to work to unlock the door (we always go in through the garage, unless of course the door in the garage is locked). I said a little prayer, apologized for the foul language I had been displaying, and stuck the key in and...IT WORKED! Yay! I was so happy to be in my warm house I didn't even care about my lost phone any more!
So, here I am. Wondering how this has happened to me. I never lose my phone. I never leave my keys in the house when I'm going somewhere. I never lock my keys in the car. And I don't make it a habit of falling into holes either. So the only explanation I have is that along with my hair and my metabolism the next thing to go is my brain. And that's like all I have left going for me. Well, HELLO 40!
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