Do you know what I was doing 17 years ago today? A lot of you were with me on that day. But there is only one person that was with me that really matters. Not that I'm saying none of the rest of you matter, because you do. But on that day, my wedding day, the day I became Mrs. Stephen Schmid, he was really the only one that mattered. There are things about that day that I look back on and just laugh at. Like the one thing I gave my aunt to give to Steve to hold. And she didn't want to give it to him so she gave it to my dad and my dad gave it to Steve and then later Steve was like, "Why did your dad just give this to me?" Hey, desperate times called for desperate measures. I also laugh at my crying sobbing breakdown I had just a few hours before the wedding when the bouquets were delivered and my bridal bouquet was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. Ever. Everyone was trying to calm me down and tell me it wasn't ugly. And I was a hysterical mess. Ahhh...thankfully my dad was able to call the florist and, I don't know what he said, but they had a beautiful bouquet there real fast like. Looking back now I see how silly that was and how really, in the grand scheme of things, it really didn't matter what my bouquet looked like. I would have married the man even if I did have to do it while holding that hideous thing.
So yesterday Steve was at work and he and I exchanged some texts. This is how they went:
Steve: I would like to take Emily on a daddy/daughter date to a movie at 4:10 to celebrate her graduation from 6th grade. Is that OK?
Me: Yes. Although I'm sure what you meant to say is Darling, can I take you out on a hot date tonight to celebrate 17 years of wedded bliss?
Steve: I would like to take you out to celebrate 17 years of wedded bliss. After the 4:10 movie...
Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
So after the 4:10 movie, Steve and I got ready for our hot date. He was in his closet getting dressed and I was in my closet getting dressed. He saw me and said, "Are you really going to wear a dress?" and I said, "This isn't really a dress. It's just a long thing with leggings under it." (That is important later in the story)
So we went out for dinner at the Sonora Grill. The food was fabulous and the floors were even better (care of Mr. Stephen Schmid). After dinner he asked what I wanted to do next. I was going to be teaching the lesson in Relief Society the next day and I was going to be doing this object lesson. I needed sand and I, at one point in the not too distant past, had a bag of sand in the garage. But after searching in the hot garage several times over the course of the day, I could not find it. So when the old man asked me what I wanted to do next, I told him I wanted to go to Walmart to buy some sand (that is where I had bought the elusive bag before) and I had a few other things I needed to get. He sighed and said, "Well, an anniversary wouldn't be an anniversary without a trip to Walmart, now, would it?"
So we went to Walmart. And much to my chagrin, there was no sand to be found. We got the other stuff we needed, and as I was freaking out about the lack of sand Steve said we could go to Home Depot and get some. I asked if they were still open and he said that they were going to be closing in 12 minutes. I looked at him and said, "OK! We gotta get the heck outta here and book it over to Home Depot in under 12 minutes!" So we started moving through that store with a purpose. We hurriedly made our way to the front to find 50 million people in line and only a handful of registers open. Why do they put 5 gazillion registers in anyway? They never use half of them.
We chose a self check out line since we just had a few items. I wanted to yell at the young couple in front of us who were checking out and laughing and flirting with each other like it was their first date. I wanted to scream, "LOOK! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 17 YEARS! YOU SPEND YOUR ANNIVERSARY AT WALMART AND YOU ARE ABLE TO DO IT WITHOUT PLAYING AROUND AND HOLDING THE REST OF US UP IN LINE! NOW PUT YOUR SERIOUS FACE ON AND BE ABOUT YOUR CHECKING OUT BUSINESS!"
Finally they finished and we checked outta there like it was our 17 thousandth date at Walmart. We ran out to Steve's truck with five minutes to Home Depot closing time left. Believe it or not, and despite all our anniversaries spent at Walmart, he still isn't what I would refer to as a seasoned Walmart shopper. He made the rookie Walmart escape mistake. He drove past the front of the store before I realized what he was doing. When I realized it, it was way too late, we were already driving past the front of the store. It was like it was in slow motion and I said, "NOOOOOOO!!!! You NEVER drive past the front of the store! You always drive around the back of the parking lot to get out!!!" (I hope you read that in slow motion, because that is how I typed it) So after sitting perfectly still for what seemed like 10 years, waiting for all the people to walk past us on their way in and out of the store, and waiting for the cars in front of us to finally move out of our way, we made it. We made it past the front of the store.
Steve kept telling me there was no way we were going to make it to Home Depot in time. I kept my game face forward and said, "Just drive. Fast." We got to Home Depot right at 9:59. With my game face still on I said, "Pull up to the door and give me your wallet!" He did and I ran my self into that store, ran up to the first person I saw, asked where the sand was, hefted that 50 pound bag up onto my shoulder, checked out and was back outside in 2 minutes flat. And Steve and his truck were no where in sight. Seriously?
So I am standing there hefting that 50 pound bag of sand scanning the mostly empty parking lot for any sign of my dear husband of 17 years. Nowhere. He was nowhere. So I think maybe he is at the back of the lot waiting for me to come out and I need to make some movement so he can see me and drive over to me. So I start walking past the front of the store. And still no sign of him. So I keep walking. And all the time I am thinking, "WHERE IN THE HECK IS HE?!?!?!" Then I see the section of the parking lot up ahead where the trees are for sale. I think, well he has been talking about wanting to plant trees, maybe he drove over there to see how much they cost. So I keep walking. Bag of sand weighing me down the whole way. He was not there. I thought, maybe he went to get gas. Maybe he needed to drive around and clear his head from all that excitement at Walmart. Maybe, maybe, maybe... Unfortunately I was in such a hurry when I leaped from the still moving truck to make it into the store in time, that I left my phone in the car. I turned around and see that they were about to lock the doors and the ladies that were locking them are staring at me and whispering. I guess I might have looked a little crazy at that moment. I asked them if I could use their phone. I wasn't about to carry that sand bag around any more, so I set it down outside and went in to use the phone.
I called Steve's phone. It rang. And rang. And rang. Then it went to his voice mail, which I recorded and I have been meaning to change for years now because my voice in the message grates on my last nerve. I hung up and repeated the process 2 more times. At this point they were turning off all the lights in the store and they were starring at me in an irritated manner because they were still waiting to lock the doors. At this point, these are the things that were going through my mind:
As I am thinking all these things, I am walking out of the store. I look down where I left my bag of sand and it is gone. Really? So I run back and ask the girl who is locking the door if she knows where my sand went. She said she just had someone take it back inside. So I am waiting for them to bring it out to me. Then I see him! He was walking out the door way down on the other end of the store! Then I look in the parking lot and see that his truck was parked there the whole time. I just didn't recognize it because he wasn't in it.
I yell across the parking lot, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"
And he says, "I'VE BEEN IN THE STORE FOR THE LAST 15 MINUTES STANDING BY THE REGISTER HOLDING A BAG OF SAND! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"
And I say, "I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND THIS PARKING LOT WITH A BAG OF SAND FOR THE LAST 15 MINUTES LOOKING FOR YOU!"
Then we stopped yelling because we were not across the parking lot from each other any more. I was so glad he wasn't crashed and dead or kidnapped or something.
So then we got in the truck. I was a little gripey (I don't know how to spell that word, probably because it isn't really a word). I didn't want to be gripey so this is how the conversation went:
OH! I LOVE THAT MAN!!! Happy Anniversary babe!
So we went to Walmart. And much to my chagrin, there was no sand to be found. We got the other stuff we needed, and as I was freaking out about the lack of sand Steve said we could go to Home Depot and get some. I asked if they were still open and he said that they were going to be closing in 12 minutes. I looked at him and said, "OK! We gotta get the heck outta here and book it over to Home Depot in under 12 minutes!" So we started moving through that store with a purpose. We hurriedly made our way to the front to find 50 million people in line and only a handful of registers open. Why do they put 5 gazillion registers in anyway? They never use half of them.
We chose a self check out line since we just had a few items. I wanted to yell at the young couple in front of us who were checking out and laughing and flirting with each other like it was their first date. I wanted to scream, "LOOK! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 17 YEARS! YOU SPEND YOUR ANNIVERSARY AT WALMART AND YOU ARE ABLE TO DO IT WITHOUT PLAYING AROUND AND HOLDING THE REST OF US UP IN LINE! NOW PUT YOUR SERIOUS FACE ON AND BE ABOUT YOUR CHECKING OUT BUSINESS!"
Finally they finished and we checked outta there like it was our 17 thousandth date at Walmart. We ran out to Steve's truck with five minutes to Home Depot closing time left. Believe it or not, and despite all our anniversaries spent at Walmart, he still isn't what I would refer to as a seasoned Walmart shopper. He made the rookie Walmart escape mistake. He drove past the front of the store before I realized what he was doing. When I realized it, it was way too late, we were already driving past the front of the store. It was like it was in slow motion and I said, "NOOOOOOO!!!! You NEVER drive past the front of the store! You always drive around the back of the parking lot to get out!!!" (I hope you read that in slow motion, because that is how I typed it) So after sitting perfectly still for what seemed like 10 years, waiting for all the people to walk past us on their way in and out of the store, and waiting for the cars in front of us to finally move out of our way, we made it. We made it past the front of the store.
Steve kept telling me there was no way we were going to make it to Home Depot in time. I kept my game face forward and said, "Just drive. Fast." We got to Home Depot right at 9:59. With my game face still on I said, "Pull up to the door and give me your wallet!" He did and I ran my self into that store, ran up to the first person I saw, asked where the sand was, hefted that 50 pound bag up onto my shoulder, checked out and was back outside in 2 minutes flat. And Steve and his truck were no where in sight. Seriously?
So I am standing there hefting that 50 pound bag of sand scanning the mostly empty parking lot for any sign of my dear husband of 17 years. Nowhere. He was nowhere. So I think maybe he is at the back of the lot waiting for me to come out and I need to make some movement so he can see me and drive over to me. So I start walking past the front of the store. And still no sign of him. So I keep walking. And all the time I am thinking, "WHERE IN THE HECK IS HE?!?!?!" Then I see the section of the parking lot up ahead where the trees are for sale. I think, well he has been talking about wanting to plant trees, maybe he drove over there to see how much they cost. So I keep walking. Bag of sand weighing me down the whole way. He was not there. I thought, maybe he went to get gas. Maybe he needed to drive around and clear his head from all that excitement at Walmart. Maybe, maybe, maybe... Unfortunately I was in such a hurry when I leaped from the still moving truck to make it into the store in time, that I left my phone in the car. I turned around and see that they were about to lock the doors and the ladies that were locking them are staring at me and whispering. I guess I might have looked a little crazy at that moment. I asked them if I could use their phone. I wasn't about to carry that sand bag around any more, so I set it down outside and went in to use the phone.
I called Steve's phone. It rang. And rang. And rang. Then it went to his voice mail, which I recorded and I have been meaning to change for years now because my voice in the message grates on my last nerve. I hung up and repeated the process 2 more times. At this point they were turning off all the lights in the store and they were starring at me in an irritated manner because they were still waiting to lock the doors. At this point, these are the things that were going through my mind:
What? After 17 years of wedded bliss, he decides to leave me. Now. At Home Depot. With this dang bag of sand.
What if he had a heart attack and his foot fell off the break and he is like out there somewhere, crashed and dying?
What if as soon as I jumped out, someone else jumped in with a gun and they are holding him hostage and they won't let him answer his phone?
How am I going to get home to my kids?
What if I have to call the police and they have to look at the surveillance videos to find out what happened, but the store is closed? Would they be able to find someone to let them in to see the tapes, or would we have to wait until morning?
As I am thinking all these things, I am walking out of the store. I look down where I left my bag of sand and it is gone. Really? So I run back and ask the girl who is locking the door if she knows where my sand went. She said she just had someone take it back inside. So I am waiting for them to bring it out to me. Then I see him! He was walking out the door way down on the other end of the store! Then I look in the parking lot and see that his truck was parked there the whole time. I just didn't recognize it because he wasn't in it.
I yell across the parking lot, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"
And he says, "I'VE BEEN IN THE STORE FOR THE LAST 15 MINUTES STANDING BY THE REGISTER HOLDING A BAG OF SAND! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"
And I say, "I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND THIS PARKING LOT WITH A BAG OF SAND FOR THE LAST 15 MINUTES LOOKING FOR YOU!"
Then we stopped yelling because we were not across the parking lot from each other any more. I was so glad he wasn't crashed and dead or kidnapped or something.
So then we got in the truck. I was a little gripey (I don't know how to spell that word, probably because it isn't really a word). I didn't want to be gripey so this is how the conversation went:
Me: Sorry. I'm just a little frazzled because I was walking around a deserted parking lot. In the dark. Carrying a huge bag of sand. In a dress. And heels. And I thought maybe you were dead.
Steve: Yeah, but that's not really a dress. Right?
OH! I LOVE THAT MAN!!! Happy Anniversary babe!
2 comments:
This is the very best story! I love it, thanks for sharing! Oh, and definitely congratulations on 17 years of marriage!!
Happy Anniversary!!! Sounds like a great HOT DATE NIGHT!!! Running errands, that's what all of my and Johns date nights are like.
Post a Comment