Monday Morning Musings - What Kind Of Person Tells Her Kid To Shove A Pencil Up His Nose, Really?

My sweet, crazy, spunky little Addy girl. She has this great propensity for getting hurt. She gets hurt about 100 times a day. I think it stems from A) The built in anti-grace, clumsy gene she inherited from yours truly B) Her lack of fear and C) Her determined, curious nature. I am always telling her to be careful and stop hurting my Addy girl. The other day she hurt herself and she came up to me with the most serious sad face and said:

"I'm tired of being Addy. I don't want to get hurt anymore. Will you be Addy for me?"

Oh Addy. It made me want to cry. Only you can be Addy, but I promise I will try to help you be the best Addy you can be with as minimal injuries as possible.


Zac and I were playing around one day last week. I don't know how it started but this is how our conversation went:

Me: Here, Zac, why don't you take this pencil and shove it up your
nose.
Zac: OK, and why don't you take this pen and shove it up yours.
Me: Well, at least I won't get lead poisoning.
Zac: (looking at me like I'm stupid) There is no lead in that pencil.
It's like 20% graphite and 80% clay.
Me: Why do you know that kind of useless stuff?
Zac: It's not useless, I know that if I shove that pencil up my nose, I
won't get lead poisoning.

So Steve and I started reading The Hunger Games on the way home from Dallas. We were almost finished with the first book when we got home. But we have had little time to read since our return, so it sits unfinished on my bedside table. Zac, who listened to most of the book when I was reading on our drive home, has now finished the first book, the second book and will probably finish the third today. He keeps telling me stuff though, and it is really making me mad. He will come up to me and say things like, "Hey mom, you know how everyone SAYS that District 13 was destroyed???" It's really starting to tick me off.

OK. So Zac bought an airsoft gun from his friend. Which lead Steve to buy himself and airsoft gun. Which lead to this major airsoft war in the backwoods of Missouri. Which also lead to Steve and Zac going with friends last Saturday to have another airsoft war. Which also leads to the story I'm abouta tell ya. I haven't told this story yet (and I'm still not gonna really tell it) because the people involved have kissed, made up, and moved on with life. But I kinda have to give you some parts of the story so you can understand what happened on Friday night when the old man and I were out on the town.

This story involves a new friend of Emily's, a crazy cat lady, a boy with an airsoft gun, a herd of feral diseased cats living in our chicken coop eating all our chicken food, and some yelling and screaming at a 13 year old boy who was trying to protect his chickens.

So Friday night, Steve and I went to see "True Grit" and then went to dinner. While waiting for our table, two couples walked in and one of the ladies came over to me and started talking to me. We exchanged pleasantries and then Steve and I were escorted back to our table. We got to the table and I whispered to Steve, "That was crazy cat lady".

A little later, the two couples were seated at a table just across the aisle from us. Then I made the mistake of asking Steve what he thought of the movie, since he is a big John Wayne fan and wasn't sure if he would like the remake. He said he really liked it and then told me why some parts were better in this one and others were better in that one. Then he proceeded to demonstrate for me how when the guy rides his horse into the group of bad guys shooting the two pistols (remember he is demonstrating with his hands) John Wayne did it with two rifles and he was cocking and spinning them (more demonstration).

My eyes got really wide and without moving my lips I said, "STOP! STOP! STOP making gun signs with your hands!" A few minutes later I looked over and one of the members from the foursome was looking over at our table. I told Steve he was looking at us and I said, "You know how I said, 'That's the Crazy Cat Lady' as soon as we sat down at our table? Do you think she said, 'Those are the crazy gun people' as soon as she sat down at hers? And then the guy that was looking at us was saying, 'I know, he was just making shooting actions with his hands."

Aye, yai, yai. Anyhoo. I just thought it was funny. So Crazy Cat Lady, if you are somehow reading my blog, I only told this story because I thought it was funny. With my husband and his shooting hands at our dinner table right across from yours. And I only call you Crazy Cat Lady because that is what you called yourself when you were talking to me. And really, I promise, we are not crazy gun people. Crazy people, yes. Yes indeed. I'll give you that much.